


Knew

by hiddenclawsof



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:41:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24677107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddenclawsof/pseuds/hiddenclawsof
Summary: Wooseok always knew, and though he knew, he just couldn't stop.
Relationships: Jung Wooseok/Kang Hyunggu | Kino
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Knew

Wooseok always knew that Hyunggu has a special place in his heart. A place where Hyunggu could smug on him and he’d oblige willingly with a smile. A place where Hyunggu could rub his face with and he’d offer his hands to clear the messy strands. Wooseok always knew that Hyunggu is someone he could not resistㅡ like how he bites his nails when he’s nervous, a general fact of it being bad never made him rethink twice to  _ stop _ .

He knew that Hyunggu was someone he adored. Not only because the older man was adorable, but because Hyunggu has something he could not pin and point to. He knew that Hyunggu was that sweet to everyone he meets, he looks at their eyes and engages himself without considering the consequences of it. He also knew that Hyunggu despises skinship, but somehow, Wooseok also  _ knew _ that when  _ he  _ holds the older’s hand, Hyunggu wouldn’t bother to let go.

When Hyunggu and him composed the track Always Difficult, Always Beautiful, who knows what Wooseok must’ve felt then. After spending almost 2 days inside the studio, scribbling through their notes, fingers touching the other's, elbows nudging the waists and the eyes that lingersㅡ who knows  _ what  _ Wooseok must’ve felt  _ then _ ?

Wooseok could only sigh and catch his breath after dancing his lungs out to thrice of the hard choreography, he could no longer feel his legs, and his back was starting to ache after weeks of being well. He saw Yuto crawl to him and pass on a water bottle and gulped down the last bit of the wet matter. His eyes were totally restless and he just wanted to shut off the rest of the world and drown inside his own thoughts. If today being tiring was the statement of the most, Wooseok could say that this session was killing him insideㅡ both physically and  _ emotionally _ .

His skin shivered at the sudden loss of heat production. His body was yearning for more pain, grind, and tension as if it would not be sore tomorrow. His fingers were crawling to the wide palm of his hand and somehow he knew, he couldn’t  _ stop _ .

That was why when he finally opened his eyes, they travelled to that one short man with his black hair on, black oversized shirt on and his jogger pants. That milky white skin made his clothes stand out and his eyes were simply mesmerizing even when those eyes directed them to every movement that they do.

_ Hyunggu-ah _ , he thought to himself.

He breathed out the air that he didn’t know he was holding. He was staring and watching every movement that Hyunggu would do and amidst all the menacing looks he threw to the older, he didn’t know that the older  _ did  _ the same.

\---

Wooseok wanted to get things off his mind. Lately, he has been so preoccupied that he almost forgot to eat his dinner and do the usual scrolling he usually does on social media. He has been trying to write lyrics for a lot of songs that Hwitaek and Hyunggu composed, but somehow his phone notes and his piece of paper remain empty. Different concepts require different angles of lyrics, and different angles of lyrics require different motivation and inspiration that he couldn't seem to get for the  _ past  _ few days. The more he tries to forget what he’s feeling and focus on what he should do as an idol, his mind would always crawl back to the hateful thoughts he has at himself for  _ actually  _ feeling this way.

He hates itㅡ scratch that, he despises it.

He remained silent in the 4 corners of Hwitaek’s studio. No composer could be found, only the mere silence and Wooseok staring at the photographs of the members could be seen in the lone room. His fingers were fidgeting and were starting to sweat, his knees bobbed up and down and his phone flickered its light indicating that it was already time for Wooseok to write something.

He ran a hand through his hair and messed it up. The bleach that always hurts his scalp seems to fade and make his hair go weaker, but he’d do it because beauty comes with a price,  _ doesn't it? _

He began to write something, finally getting the gist of the song. Too many scribbles were written on the sides of the paper and his phone remained on, leaving its battery to drain out. He didn't hear a knock and the voice that followed, but felt a hand reach up to his shoulder and poked it taking him away from his concentration.

When he turned around to see the owner of the hands, Wooseok could feel his chest throb and his eyes stingㅡ he  _ knew _ he shouldn’t feel this way, but it  _ hurts _ so much to not be able to feel anything.

“Don’t tire yourself out Seokie,” the concerned voice filled the worries of the younger.

Wooseok wanted to run away and escape the eyes that stared down at him at this hour of the night when both of them should be at their dorms, sleeping. Wooseok wanted everything to vanish, and even make his  _ feelings  _ vanish, but it seems like Hyunggu wouldn’t let him do that.

“I’ll just finish this 8 bars of rap and maybe I’ll go home.”

Hyunggu nodded at the remarks and sat on the couch in front of Wooseok. He stayed there and let himself be a companion of the loner and have Wooseok be enchanted by the presence of the flowers on Hyunggu’s clothesㅡ  _ God, is Hyunggu your favorite? _

When Wooseok said that he tried, believe him that he did. Even if his fingers failed him and dropped the pen multiple times due to the overwhelming tension that  _ maybe  _ only he could feel, he was trying his damn best to take Hyunggu’s presence all in without making the older uncomfortable. 

He heard the feet shuffle and the slow breath turned ragged, he can feel Hyunggu’s eyes on him, watching him with the way he did to Hyunggu days ago at the practice room. The heat slowly formed a red patch on his cheeks, he wished for Hyunggu to not notice any of that and finally go  _ away _ .

“Seok, what’s wrong?”

\---

Wooseok wanted to drag himself out of the bed and the other members in the same dorm wanted to do the same to him, but the feeling of being wrapped inside the futon, enveloping his warmth with the same warmth  _ or even more _ is what will make him stay here, starve and sleep through his massive headache. 

He may have finished the lyrics for the upcoming song in their survival program, but he himself seems to not finish anything else but  _ that _ . Maybe he was wrong about everythingㅡ he was wrong of trying to deduce the older’s feelings for him, he was wrong to think that an idol like him could like his own member and fantasize about what could have gone wrong and right instead of focusing on oozing at the other girl idol’s body figures. Maybe his mere existence was wrong too, he didn’t know for sure, and he sure will be afraid of not knowing what to do when the face of the person that has been on his mind will show up to him and ask him to get up and spend time with him.

It’s not just his body’s aching, but also his mind, feelings and passion to do all of these.

He was being real when he said he wanted to  _ run away _ .

A knock was heard across the wideness of the room. Without Yuto on the upper bunk of their bed, no one was there to say ‘come in’ and Wooseok didn’t even want to open his mouth, more or less to speak. He waited for a while, and sure enough Hwitaek came inside with a bottle of water in his hand and a chocolate on the other. Not necessarily the food for the sick, but the food for the  _ breaking  _ heart.

“Wooseok,” Hwitaek started as he tried to sort out the messy clothes on the floor and walked to the edge of the youngest’s bed, “are you feeling okay?” Hwitaek said with his nicest smile and voice.

Wooseok turned away and wrapped the blanket around his face. He was afraid that if he ever looked into the leader’s eyes, he’d begin to cry and speak incoherent words. He can not show his members this side of him, never.

Yet Hwitaek remained still.

With his eyes that spiralled over the tall figure, and his knowing smile, he knew that no one could help Wooseok but himself and that his presence beside the youngest is just an ornament to decorate the reality of this lonely world that Wooseok was painting.

Wooseok was the creative one out of the whole group. His ideas were crazy enough to be put into stage and his lyrics were one of the best that Hwitaek has ever produced onto his tracks. Hwitaek knew Wooseok’s capabilities more than anyone else and if ever people would say that Wooseok was nothing but a mere failed vocalist that turned into a rapper, he’d definitely shut everyone up with the quality of the words that Wooseok has been pouring out to their songs. Their youngest was that amazing.

But sometimes Hwitaek thinks that it is too much for him to ask Wooseok to write lyrics about romance because the youngest being the youngest was the reason for his hesitation. He knew that the youngest spent his youth inside the practice rooms of their company and he may have experienced some kind of love, but that is just as shallow it could be.

It also makes him wonder, what pushed Wooseok to create a string of words that is comparable to this crazy image he does in their stages. That was why he watched Wooseok, with full attention and detail, and saw that just like him, Wooseok was watching someone too, but not with the eyes that Hwitaek has, but with the eyes of someone who’s falling so deep and cannot go back.

He didn’t need to hear Wooseok’s answer nor needed Wooseok to answer, each day passed and Hwitaek knew that Wooseok wasn’t feeling any better. He just wanted to assure the youngest that he’s there and he will not let him go even if the demons are starting to eat him up alive. He just wanted the youngest to know that  _ it’s okay  _ and  _ there is nothing wrong about feeling this way _ .

“I want to go home hyung,” Wooseok mumbled through his gritted teeth while fighting the urge to spill the threatening voice inside his throat.

Hwitaek nodded knowingly and wrapped his arms on the youngest frame, “This is your home Wooseok.”

\---

Wooseok felt like he was reborned. After a week of isolating himself from his members, eats only when all the other members are out, he was starting to sort out his feelings and pushed himself to the edge to  _ also  _ force the feelings away. He no longer felt trapped inside the corners of the studio nor the practice rooms, he no longer felt trapped inside his own hand and started to explore his way out. But what he didn’t know is that once he finally saw Hyunggu again with the paint brushes on his hand and spilled paint on his body, he’d start to feel encaptured inside those imaginary chains.

His sad eyes were longing for  _ his _ , his skin was longing for  _ his _ touch and his ears were longing for  _ his  _ voice. There are a lot of things that his body was longing for and the only thing that could satisfy his hunger is the man inside the room of their enlisted member.

He dragged his legs through the floor due to numerous reasons. May it be the cramps he’s been having ever since they’ve practiced for their last stage in the program, the tiredness they all have been having and his mind that races faster than his reflexesㅡ they all equate to this one feeling of being  _ lonely _ .

He knew that he should be able to stop this,  _ all  _ of these, but now that he had a week to reflect, he realized that though he should, he simply couldn’t. How can you stop feeling things for someone you’re seeing every single day of your life? For someone that sleeps in the room across your hallway? For someone that calls you at 3 am in the morning and asks you to write lyrics for a love song as if the song was meant for you two?  _ How? _

After almost 2 years of feeling this way, Wooseok didn’t know how to act anymore. It feels like he has these two different sides that he’s showing to his members. He’s not just afraid of what Hyunggu will think of this, but what the other members think of him either. He just wanted all of these to end.  _ Oh God, please end him _ .

In the midst of searching for the meaning of his life in the dark hallway, Hyunggu came out of Jinho’s room and saw Wooseok staring blankly at the window that illuminated the small path. Hyunggu felt the blood pumped throughout his whole body and the sugar rush that beamed him up and ran towards the side of the youngest and held his hand.

“I haven’t seen you lately,” Hyunggu greeted the youngest who still has his eyes on the window but has his lips pursed and shoulders almost violently shaking.

Wooseok gulped down his saliva that filled up his mouth. He chuckled at his own cowardness and looked down at his scarred foot. He held the hand tightly inside his, afraid to let it  _ all  _ go.

“I’m trying to  _ heal _ .”

Hyunggu nodded though Wooseok couldn’t see. They let the silence and the bed creaks of the sleeping members fill the atmosphere around them and have their bodies go cold at the sudden gush of wind that approached them. As if tired of having to hold each other’s hands yet don’t look into each other’s eyes, Hyunggu pulled Wooseok towards his body and wrapped his arms around the waist of the tallest. This way, he could hear the heartbeat of Wooseok that beats across the good amount of bones and flesh and in  _ this way  _ Wooseok can feel his presence and appreciate it without the need of having to look into his eyes.

Hyunggu was tired of seeing Wooseok look like he’s about to cry.

“What are you doing?” Wooseok stiffened his already stiff body inside the fragile arms of Hyunggu. He didn’t push Hyunggu away but he didn't want to pull Hyunggu towards his body either. He stayed still, in the middle, like the average of them all.

Wooseok sniffed the smell that he has been longing for and buried his face on to the fluffy hair of the smaller. It hurts him, more than it should. It breaks him apart, into bits, into pieces. People may say that Hyunggu was the fragile being in their group, very sensitive and very bright, but what people didn’t know is that Wooseok was the fragile among them all. After realizing that he has feelings for Hyunggu, he remained there and stayed still. He watched the movement of Hyunggu, smiled at every antics and remarks that Hyunggu would throw. He’ll wrap his arms around the smaller when he’s feeling cold and stay with him even if the moon will soon be replaced by the sun. He’ll stay, and will  _ forever  _ stay.

Because even if he’s afraid of falling more into this trap, he’d still do it because it was Hyunggu.

“Why do you always look like you’re about to cry?” Hyunggu raised his head up to meet Wooseok’s eyes.

There it was, the former eyes that Hyunggu was talking about. The eyes that speak more than  _ his _ mouth could ever do. If Wooseok’s eyes could say these much,  _ why can’t his eyes do the same thing? _

“Let me go Hyunggu,” Wooseok mumbled as he stared down at the glinting eyes of the shorter, “ _ please, just let me go _ ,” he said as his voice started to waver.

He hates Hyunggu, he hates having to spend long nights at Hwitaek’s studio to write lyrics for Hyunggu’s songs, he hates himself for feeling this way and he hates the fact that his eyes started to release the tears that he was holding for  _ so  _ long. But among all the things that Wooseok hates,  _ Hyunggu was the one that he loves the most. _

It was enough for Hyunggu to hear the fading voice and the eyes that broke both of their hearts. He slowly pushed himself away from Wooseok and withdrew his arms from the youngest’s frame.  _ It stings _ yet he mustered everything he had to bring his legs towards the room he came from, leaving Wooseok alone in that dark, musty hall.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
